The one question to ask in difficult situations

Choose to end the unhappy story... anytime, anywhere

Many humans experience life predominantly from the level of the ego, which means they are trapped in an unhappy story most of the time.

The power of being present, and asking the right question can act like a ‘sword’ that cuts through the fog — what the Toltecs call ‘mitote’ — or what is often called “maya” or “illusion” in Hindu philosophy.

When difficult situations arise

Many things can, and will, go wrong in your life - even with the “right” attitude, and even if you meditate daily and know how work with intentionality (i.e. how to pre-pave your energy!)

Some of the unwanted things that may happen are, in fact, true emergencies and require swift action! For example, if your child has a bad fall and breaks their arm or leg, you rush to the hospital. You don’t berate them, or make up a long-winded story about ‘how they never listen’… you do that afterwards! :)

But what about challenging situations that aren’t emergencies?

On the lesser end of the unwanted scale, you might experience:

• Lost luggage at an airport

• Long lines at the supermarket

• Getting caught in standstill traffic on your way to work, when you have an important meeting

• Getting stuck on a broken down train

• Being kept waiting on the phone to speak to your utility company or bank

In these situations, where the set backs are minor, it’s very easy for the complaining ‘mind’ to come in.

The voice that continually interprets, and misinterprets, your life is the human ego. It’s the small self that feels vulnerable and easily aggrieved when things don’t go according to (your) plan.

Have you noticed this in yourself?

It’s nearly always easier to notice it in others, because the ego hates looking in the mirror (unless it’s winning).

On the major end of the unwanted scale are life events that are very challenging to deal with, and the tendency of the mind to complain is greatly magnified.

Loss is the unwanted side of life, and it’s usually hard when a great loss happens. A major break-up or divorce, chronic ill health, losing your business, being made unemployed, being outcast by your family or close group of friends, the list goes on. And the change can be sudden and cataclysmic.

What happens when a situation truly goes south is that we’re triggered and a cascade of negative thoughts — and their accompanying negative emotions - come flooding in.

“Why can’t they…”

“It isn’t right/fair that…”

“What a total nightmare that…”

“I didn’t ask for THIS!”

The point is, of course, that you are ‘right’ and the situation (and the people involved) are ‘wrong’. “This shouldn’t be happening TO ME!” is the basic (and unconscious) premise.

You may be entirely justified in your complaining, and you might be a victim of human unconsciousness. However, beyond a certain amount of venting, that endless loop of feeling victimised and then telling everyone about it, only cements that energy or vibration within you.

You constantly re-live the negative experience by doing so.

The question that stops suffering

Many people are looking for quick answers as to how to successfully navigate this life (“life hacks’’ abound!), but really it’s the questions we ask ourselves in moments of turmoil that can provide the key that unlocks the door to peace, and greater wisdom.